I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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