im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
