if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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