OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
