Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
