we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
