he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize