We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
