We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
