All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
