saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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