Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A bitchslap is in order.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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