He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
