so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
