I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
