Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
