Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
