Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
