ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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