Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
