just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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