Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
