Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
