in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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