no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
