the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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