by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
