Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
only you would photoshop your dick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize