my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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