Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
