I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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