I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
