we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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