I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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