i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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