I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
