We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
