There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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