Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
