I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
