I wish my penis had an off switch
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
