The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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