@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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