Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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