It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
