if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
