I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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