So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you remember whose house we're in?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
