i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
