I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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