Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
