he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
