Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
