Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
