I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
