You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
