I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've blown a few things in my day
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
