1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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