Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
