People with herpes should wear stickers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
