Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
