She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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