Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
