I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
