This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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