Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
